PATAH HATI

peace be upon u and hi girls..

it's tulip :D

it has been a very very very long time since my last post.. i'm so sorry coz i actually have forgotten the email and password for this blog.. thanks to chuad (cactus) for reminding me about the email and the password.. and thanks to her too,again, for making this blog alive.. *standing ovation :D

i think and i know we are all doing well now.. although we are now in different courses.. bravo girls.. i apologize for not updating my current life with u guys as i have been doing that in my personal blog.. so guys, feel free to click at my face to view my blog.. :) i suppose to write this entry at my personal blog but i think it is safer to jot it down here..

girls,

i had a crush with one of my course mate and the feeling is still here (i'm pointing my finger at my heart) he is 2 years older than us and i suppose he is a good looking man (i don't really think he is but my friends say so) I don't really know him but i just like him.. there was a time that i couldn't even hold a book because he kept appearing before my eyes.. and for a very long time, i tried to find excuses to have a chat with him although my heart pumped like crazy when we were chatting.. there were also times when i entered his lecture class just to see him (and also because i love the lecturer) and to notice him about my existence.. GILA kan..?? yeaahh, when i think back what had i done i would smile and thought how silly i was.. but still, it made a very good memory.. :) *senyum kambing

after quite sometime being a stalker, i found that he actually like other girl and that girl is at the same age as him but in different course.. i was so PATAH SERIBU.. but yeah, i don't have the right to feel jealous or what-so-ever because i'am nobody to him.. and i'm quite sure he don't even notice my presence. i once had tried to delete him from my so-called jiwa raga but i failed..

i found it hard and tiring to have him in my mind and jiwa because i couldn't barely do anything right.. and pendam perasaan is really not a good thing to do..

therefore, before i left s.alam for the semester break, i asked to meet him but unluckily, he couldn't make it.. so we had a chat (on facebook) on friday's night.. my hands we so cold and my heart was pumping like i was chased by a goose... i started the conversation.. i told him not to interrupt me until i asked him to answer my question.. and yeah i confessed that i have my eyes on him for a very long time.. (actually my purpose confessing to him is to ease my jiwa raga and to completely delete him from my mind and jiwa..) i also knew that he would reject me but still i needed that "KNOCK" from him to make me realize that he was not meant for me..

i asked him to write this "sory, but you are not my type".. but he didn't do so.. he said that that sentence was too harsh.. i insisted that i'm ok and will be ok.. he then gave me three sentences which i thought were harsh enough for me to dump him out of my mind and jiwa..

now, i have a week to completely erase him from my life.. i know it's not gonna be easy, but i have to.. pray for me girls.. i didn't regret for being such a thick-skinned person, confessing to him my jiwa because at least he knew what was my feeling and i felt so relieved after doing that.. now, i just have to focus on my study.. no more HIM to bother my mind and jiwa.. and i believe ALLAH had chosen someone to be my partner and above all, HE is the BEST PLANNER..

that will be the end of my not-so-love-story... girls, i hope u guys will never experience like what i had been through.. it hurt me A LOT.. and the laceration would not be easily healed.. but i hope time will help me healing that broken heart.. till my next post.. miss me yaa.. *peluk korang ketat-ketat..